How to Love People You Don’t Like

Sometimes you encounter people in life that seem very hard to love.

In fact, you don’t even like them. You wish they weren’t around – and perhaps, even at times, wish they didn’t exist.

What stinks is if these hard-to-love people are part of your social ecosystem like a family member, co-worker, or the friend of a friend.

How can you possibly muster up any love for these people? …and why would you even bother?

Finding the answer to this begins with looking at Love from a new and different perspective.

First, consider that Love is a form of energy that exists independently of you. It’s its own being.

From this angle, you are to Love as a faucet is to water. Your are something that Love gets to flow through – but only when you’re open to it.

You either allow Love to flow through you or not. (This principle applies to every other emotion as well.)

As Love flows through you, you experience it as a feeling of appreciation and care for an-other.

‘Appreciation’ is the balanced state of being both grateful (inner feeling) and thankful (outer expression).

‘Care’, is the desire to strengthen and add to the well-being of an-other. ‘Care’ seeks to heal (to make whole).

‘Love’ is the cycle of motion that creates UNITY – it brings things together and unites them in harmony.

If you think of Love as a place, you’ll find that Love makes each person within it feel accepted, important, appreciated, and appreciative. In Love, you see yourself and others as essential parts of a larger system of balance – a larger WHOLE.

When you come across a person that is difficult to welcome, it is because their behaviour is out-of-balance with the larger system. They exhibit destructive behaviour. They are in the wrong “place” psychologically and out of alignment with their environment.

People who are hard to love suffer a sort of blindness that stems from their own inner fear that they’re not good enough for their environment so the world around them seems more threatening than supportive. After all, if they’re not good enough, why would the environment want to keep them around? They feel at some level that in order to survive, they have to TAKE from their surroundings. They do not believe that anyone could actually give without expectation. They always feel judged, trapped, bound, restricted, on edge, threatened, and don’t trust that people could actually genuinely care for them – after all they’re not good enough.

They are closed off to Love.

The question still remains, “How do you love someone who is hard to love?”

Here are some steps to consider:

1 – Set the Conscious Intention to LOVE others and be a fountain through which Love flows into this world. Intend for and Allow Love (Appreciation and Care) to express through you.
2 – Begin by recognizing that Love is a Healing force. Think about someone you Love and feel the Love in you. Choose to be kind.
3 – Recognize that people who are hard to Love require Healing.
4 – Know that they exist for a reason. They exist as part of a larger order of balance and their being here is part of the larger perfection of Life.
5 – Know that, in spite of their current misperceptions and harmful behaviour, they were born as an innocent baby and somehow, along the way, they came to distrust the world and believe they must TAKE in order to survive. They see the world as threatening and don’t really believe in kindness very much, if at all – likely because they haven’t experienced much of it.
6 – Seek to understand their unspoken fears and pain and feel compassion for them. Be kind toward them in spite of their behaviour. Realize that their behaviour towards you is not about you – it’s about them trying to reconcile their fear of not measuring up.
7 – Be grateful and thankful for their presence and how they are contributing to your personal growth as a person. You are learning to not let their negativity decide who you will be.
8 – Accept and allow them to be okay as they are. Do not seek to change them in any way. Look for something you could sincerely compliment them on to redirect their attention to how they are actually good enough.
9 – Love yourself. Know that however well you deal with this person is the best you could do today. As you reflect upon it later, you’ll see what you might do differently to strengthen your skill of allowing even more Love to come through you next time.

In the end, your capacity to Love someone who is being destructive and ‘TAKING’ without giving is directly reliant upon your capacity to understand them with compassion from a higher perspective.

As you deepen your understanding of why hard-to-love people do what they do and how Love itself is an independent Healing Force, you won’t decide to care more for hard-to-love people because they “deserve it” given their behaviour, you will care for them more because they “deserve” to know what it is to be healed of their fear of not being good enough.

Unkind people are starving for kindness. Share some of your kindness with them.

It’s rarely ever easy, but it is always worth it.

Your consistent kindness makes it easier for others to be kind …and your world inevitably becomes a better place.

Thank you for your kindness.


© 2014 Trent Janisch –

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